The Clown Skinners (and 1d100 things you find in an alley)

"You're no clown, you are a fat, greedy nightmare that has skinned a clown and now wears its hide, because if your ghastly form saw the light of day it would burn to dust!"

-Londa Earwig, to chairman Job Mugrees through the window of his carriage.

For all the ill portent that's often attributed to clowns, their malevolence is grossly overestimated. However, that's not to say that clowns don't possess distinct and sinister energies, they do of course. Buffoonery has its tendrils well under the surface of the world, entwined itself with its oversized shoe laces into street legerdemain. Any clown can tell you that being a clown takes more than putting the teary makeup and the big frilly collar on. It's almost like a possession. A surrender to pent-up grotesque emotion squeezed out of the world's infinite tragedy. You can't become the clown, you have to let the clown in.

Here are some clown (starting) items:

1	A red nose made of rubber. Dry and tough.	7	An egg in a box. The egg is painted like a clown's makeup. Not yours.
2	Leather shoes that are a few sizes too big. Caked with sawdust and dried white paint.	8	A tube of thick white foundation, and a few hardened brushes.
3	A sweat-stained white tank top, and black-and-white striped suspenders.	9	A black-and-green checkered vest and trousers. Faded and patched up.
4	The wooden crank of a tacky wind-up organ. Where is the organ?	10	A white neck ruff. The edges are frayed.
5	An old leaflet for a Paris theatre. Grand opening. Several years ago.	11	A dirty hand mirror. Photograph of a circus trailer taped to the back.
6	A set of wooden juggling clubs. One is red. You don't know why.	12	A pie tin. Used.

As with any mysterious power, though, there are those who would steal it. And they make good money off it too. They're called the Guild of Clown Skinners. They skin clowns.

This Clown Skinner is a:

1	Tall, broad man with a black fedora and face mask, dark gloves and a buck knife.
2	Figure in pale leathers with a coat full of scalpels and scissors. Face in bandages.
3	Man in a brown business suit. Face smiling wickedly and unmoving, unblinking. Large dagger.
4	Short man, grey beard appears to cover entire face. Muscular and stringy. Suitcase with skinner knives.
5	Unnaturally tall woman. Limbs thin and spider-like. Blank expression and barber's razor.
6	Figure with blade-like nails. Head on backwards, hat glued onto back-facing visage.

Art by Adam Sillard

When you wear a clown skin, you become a joke, which is a great veil against scrutiny. To all who see you, you are an eccentric, bumbling idiot, who is strange but ultimately harmless. Even when you're stabbing someone in front of them. They'll go "Oh, haha, funny fellow, look at 'em go." You entertain them enough that they'll be inclined to disregard your offences and even try to get you into places of importance because they think it'll be, frankly, hilarious.

Clown skin sells very well with politicians and cult leaders. The Skinners operate a rather succesful black market trade in skin of clown, or as it's known in code, theatre felt. Competition? Of course not. They skin clowns for a living, are you crazy? You can't barter with them either. The price is the price.

Wearing clown skin inside out makes you socially invisible: you're not literally gone from sight, but attention is deflected from you and people do not notice you or remember your presence if you don't run straight into them. The Clown Skinners themselves wear clothing made of inside-out clown skin.

These effects are stronger/harder to resist the more clown skin you wear, and the strongest when you just wear the entire clown.

Things wearing entire clowns could be:

1	A sentient mass of worms running for prime minister.
2	A hollow man.
3	A lecherous, 'quirky' novella writer who explodes with corpse gas when set on fire.
4	A man-pig (pig's legs and arse instead of head) who is your landlord.
5	That one at the bar who smells of sick and onion, and is actually a serial killer with fingernails for teeth.
6	Beelzebub, lord of flies.

Art by Paul Cezanne, 1888

1D100 THINGS YOU FIND IN AN ALLEY:

1	The ORKUS growling at you from in the gutters.	51	Bedpan shower.
2	Freshly skinned clown.	52	Lonely greyhound eating scraps. Friendly.
3	Empty pile of absinthe bottles.	53	Two people snogging.
4	Abandoned travelling case, clothing strewn across alley.	54	Beggar with dancing monkey. Hat for coins.
5	Bucket of nearly empty oil paint tubes.	55	Ten people in black cloaks with daggers, waiting at door for signal to burst in.
6	Drafts thrown away by despairing poet.	56	Monster hunter. Down on their luck. Will kill anything for money.
7	Blond hair strewn around the alley.	57	Maze of drying clothes on wooden racks.
8	Dead cat. Very softly it repeats a phrase in human speech.	58	Actual maze.
9	Single human bone (d50).	59	Hastily discarded coat and bloodstained dagger.
10	Bathtub, on its side. Thrown out because it is cursed.	60	Three loose teeth.
11	Locket with a face that resembles a human, but only barely.	61	Metal fence gate. Crossing sends you to other identical gate in city.
12	Wax doll, clothed but trampled and smudged. Head contains a key. What for?	62	Hay cart. 1 in 6 chance an assassin is inside.
13	Curse that drags you into the drain if you turn around while walking through the alley.	63	Three people dead from gunshot wound. Each holds a fired pistol.
14	Cast-away tray of mouldering macaroons.	64	Burned out barrel. Cold.
15	A penny dreadful, stepped on. Victim's name is different from yours by one arbitrary letter.	65	Framed mirror, abandoned. 1 in 6 chance it's cursed.
16	Wood saw, bloodied.	66	An unclean spirit.
17	Gigolo, insistent that he's cutting you specifically a deal.	67	Three cats. White, brown, black.
18	A bruised street sweeper. Eyes you warily.	68	Dead horse.
19	Two old men playing checkers.	69	Mumbling woman covered in writing tattoos.
20	A piece of bread. Soggy.	70	Tunnel into a nearby dungeon cell.
21	Some hobos around a fire brazier. Roasting bread.	71	Sphynx that blocks the alley. Smokes cigars. Tits out. Gorged fat on beggars.
22	Mostly complete skeleton, in pieces. Nibbled clean.	72	Black magic market. Bones, dried animals, tusks, graveyard soils.
23	So many rats.	73	Chickens.
24	Young girl trying to sell matchsticks.	74	Iron lockbox. Forced open. Pages are torn from the book inside.
25	Stairwell to a drug den. Cheap, but bad quality.	75	Large puddle of blood. Single finger in the middle. Wears a ring.
26	Localised rain. Slight drizzle.	76	Gift bouquet of flowers. Trampled.
27	Kitchen staff on break, smoking cigarettes.	77	Entry of small cinema. Runs a few silent films. Seen better days.
28	More and more alley. The alley is endless from this entry point.	78	Dying detective.
29	Brick wall. One brick is loose. Hidden compartiment behind.	79	Wooden panel with folklore story triptych. Scratched.
30	Vengeful mommer (undead skinned clown).	80	Mediocre poets commiserating.
31	Spies convening. Scatter if they notice you.	81	Street shrine to a minor god.
32	Disembodied hand caught in spring-loaded dentures.	82	Incense vapours from temple's windows.
33	Gang conflict. Good luck not getting shanked.	83	Lit oil lantern on a crate.
34	Blacked out hungover mathematician.	84	Appears to be a baby, actually log in swaddling.
35	Pitchfork. Attached note: "Seeking Torch."	85	Flesh-eating redcaps.
36	The writer who disappeared 5 months ago, barely alive.	86	Escaped servants. Planning to escape city.
37	Investigator pummelled into unconsciousness. Thrown on garbage heap.	87	Brothel. Run by speaking walrus wearing pearls.
38	Faint fish smell.	88	Waterway instead of street. Masked ferryman does not charge fees.
39	Coffins made of wooden boards. Nailed shut.	89	Paranoid academic with stolen scrolls. Emaciated from stress. Obsessive.
40	Horse race tickets. Horse bet on is "Idiot Sultan." Multiple dates.	90	Small red egg with facial features. Eyes and mouth closed. Sinister aura.
41	Splintered cane, two robbers groaning in pain.	91	Boots. Many sizes. Worn and empty.
42	Bounty posters, legal and illegal. 1 in 6 chance you are on there.	92	Lobster restaurant waste. Empty carapaces. Rancid fish sauce.
43	Hot meat bun stand.	93	Newspaper urchin.
44	Hacked up body in burlap sack.	94	Puddle of sick.
45	Particularly large bat sleeping under overhang.	95	Abandoned mask. Cracked.
46	Shanty sung from open window up above.	96	Greasy cone of newspapers holding baked fries. Spilled onto the ground.
47	Smashed piano.	97	Debt collectors.
48	Person bricked up in the road up to their neck. Speaking head from the cobblestones.	98	Dead collectors.
49	Assassin. They're after you.	99	Tim, the Rat King.
50	A murder you can prevent if quick about it.	100	Entry to the lair of the Lamb.